O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
