i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
