So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
