I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
