Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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