I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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