Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
