dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
