One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
