I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize