In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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