did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
