Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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