my shit smells like andre
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
