I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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