saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
