I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
