I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
