Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
