nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
