have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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