i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
