Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize