I bet he comes in French.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize