My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
