I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
