just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
