im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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