Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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