atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize