That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize