smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
