I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
