How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize