he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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