I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just googled if crying burns calories
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize