I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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