I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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