I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
