Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
