It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
