Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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