God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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