Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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