My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
