she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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