So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize