listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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