Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize