If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
