If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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