do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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