Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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