I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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