Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
