Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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