Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
