Please, let me fuck your mom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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