video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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