coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
