Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
