i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did I show you my penis last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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