ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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