Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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