There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
