My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
