Don't make out with my wife yet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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