Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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