This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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