If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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