I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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