No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well you can't waste a boner
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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